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blogging- indecently exposing others to a disturbing mental process, all the while staying pathetically vulnerable enough to give a damn what they think.-b. lyons
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My life has become a whirlwind of whimsical transitions. From my newfound single life, to my new apartment, to my new car, to meeting new people. In other words, things are starting to look up for me. It’s funny how one person, thing, or situation can blind you from all the blessings in your life. I’ve never felt more liberated as I do at this very moment.
I never thought that I would be so naive to allow someone to consume me. I lost me. I worked so hard to rebuild myself after the first trial, only to lose myself again. You know, if there is one word of advice I’ve received throughout this experience, it would have to be from my mother, “never love someone so much, that you forget how to love yourself.” I am not a malicious person, and I’d never blame anyone for my problems, nor would I ridicule them for their inadequacies, instead, I recognize that life is not a moment, but a journey and every experience, a lesson to learn. I hurt so much that I’d sworn never to love again. But life, as you have it, knows how to uplift you where you thought you’d never be lifted again. To be aware that it is your own decisions that may have brought you to your situation, albeit success or demise, they were indeed, YOUR DECISIONS, and yours alone. No one is ever to blame, and no one should be, as every choice you’ve made has brought you to where you are today.
There is good in everyone, some more than others, but our problems lies not in their abilities, but in our expectations for ourselves. As my dad put it, “the world needs to know you’re a prize, but YOU have to know it too!” Don’t go for one day expecting less than the very best; never reduce your value because someone else has marked you down. You’re perfectly you, and if they can’t see that, then they are too imperfect for you! It took awhile for me to understand what love looks like. Love doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t major in the minors, it doesn’t disgrace or lie. Love has nothing to do with the physical attributes but everything to do with the capacity at which one can receive and reciprocate. That’s all love is: reception and reciprocity. Without those two things, love loses the nutrients it needs for survival.
It took awhile for me to see that sometimes, the way we plan our life is not the plan for which we designed. Embrace your situation, know that if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t, and remember that it only gets as good as it is. Don’t wait around for people to change, you only have control over yourself. Change the things about you to make yourself a better person, and pray for others to do the same for themselves. Every puzzle piece won’t fit, but how would you know unless you tried. Don’t beat yourself up over one loss, because without losing, you wouldn’t feel the empowerment of success.
Love and Peace :)
-b…
I don’t understand why I do this. I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine and then all of a sudden it hits me and all I want to do is not wake up in the morning. I can’t keep doing this. It’s ruining me, and everyone who cares about me
I want it all not because I can have it, but I deserve it. I deserve my cake and I deserve to eat it too. I deserve to be spoiled, I deserve to adored, I deserve to reminded of how beautiful and how wonderful I am. Not bec its convenient, not bec I want it, not bec u know me, but bec when you hear a mere mention of my name or the sound of my voice or the look in my eye, you are reminded of.how worthy I am. You r reminded how blessed you r to have me. That’s the difference between adults and children. Between like and love. Between real and fake.
I don’t want to cry myself to sleep tonight… But its coming. I realized today that I’m not much to u… Disheartening, but the truth
blogging- indecently exposing others to a disturbing mental process, all the while staying pathetically vulnerable enough to give a damn what they think.
